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Five Things You Should Never Say to a Goblin

The Goblins of the Kingdoms are a friendly, hospitable people, known for their scholarship, craftsmanship, and love of a good cup of tea. They do have limits, though, and travelers who want to stay on good terms with their hosts would do well to avoid a few common misconceptions.

1. "Don't Goblins live in caves?"

No. Goblins live in houses, villages, and cities, like everyone else. The ancient Goblin Kingdom was famous for its architecture, its engineering, and its great centers of learning. Some Goblins do venture underground now and then, but most prefer a proper roof, a warm hearth, and indoor plumbing.

2. "I thought Goblins liked shiny things."

Of course Goblins appreciate beautiful objects. So do Humans, Elves, Ogres, and nearly everyone else. But the idea that Goblins can't resist shiny trinkets is both ridiculous and insulting. A Goblin scholar is far more likely to covet a rare manuscript than a handful of glittering baubles. Admittedly, a rare manuscript with an exquisitely jeweled binding might be hard to turn down.

3. "Isn't that armor a little revealing?"

Goblin women wear armor for the same reason Goblin men do: to avoid being stabbed, slashed, or bitten by the many hazards of the Kingdoms. Properly fitted armor is a practical necessity, not a fashion statement. An adventurer who cares more about displaying an attractive figure than protecting vital organs won't have a long career.

4. "Aren't Goblins rather small to be warriors?"

Goblins are, on average, shorter than Humans and Ogres, but mistaking stature for strength or courage is dangerous. Goblin warriors have a long and distinguished martial tradition, and height has never dulled their skill with weapons. A foolish opponent may find that being stabbed by a determined Goblin is a thorough introduction to the subject.

5. "But aren't Goblins supposed to be the bad guys?"

This may be the most damaging misconception of all. Goblins are no more inherently good or evil than any other Lineage. They are scholars and soldiers, merchants and musicians, healers and thieves, with their own virtues, failings, disagreements, and complicated history.

So if your travels bring you to a Goblin village, be courteous, keep an open mind, and accept the invitation to tea.

And whatever you do, don't ask to see their cave.

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